Unreliable Wings
by Empress of the Eclipse
Summary: Sequel to 'Butterfly'. Matt tries to find Tai after they lost touch. Is he ready for what he's going to find? TAITO!


Unreliable Wings  
By Starrysapphire, Taito Empress  
  
Disclaimer - Digimon isn't actually mine. This will probably shock most of you into unconsciousness but please try to believe it. I don't actually own Digimon. I don't own the song Butterfly either which I've taken extracts from.  
  
This is a sequel to Butterfly, written because it was much requested. Thanks to everybody he reviewed Butterfly and asked for a sequel, I'm only too happy to provide this! This is dedicated to all of you!  
  
Matt Ishida gulped as the electronicy voice announced that they were coming into land. For about the millionth time, he wondered what he was doing.  
America. America was such a big place. How could he possibly find Tai with one address that for all Matt knew, Tai hadn't lived in for years?  
Matt sighed. When Tai had first moved to America, they'd kept in contact. They'd written to each other on a regular basis. Matt was even talking about visiting his boyfriend in America.  
Then Tai's letters stopped.  
At first Matt thought that Tai had just forgotten. But as weeks and weeks passed and there was no letters he'd begun to panic. Tai just wasn't replying.   
Eventually, Matt had come to the conclusion that Tai didn't love him anymore. It had nearly broken his heart. He sent one last sad letter to Tai, begging him to contact Matt, even if it was just to tell him to get lost.   
But there was no reply. And Matt bitterly gave up.  
He'd wandered round in a daze after that. He'd failed his exams, not really caring about anything anymore. He just spent his time at home watching the TV. Sometimes he'd just got drunk, feeling like there was nothing better to do. Maybe the drinks would stop his pain. They did for a while but then they only made him more depressed. So he'd drunk more and more to dull the pain. It had taken TK to slap him (literally) out of his funk.  
"If you want Tai so much, go and find him!" he'd shouted as Matt clutched his burning cheek, wincing, his head spinning "But stop moping! So maybe Tai broke up with you! So what? You can't let that ruin everything! That's letting him win! You're killing yourself over him and he's not worth it! He might not want you but we all still do!"  
And Matt knew that his kid brother was right.  
But he couldn't go just like that. He needed to prove himself worthy first. So Matt had got himself qualifications, got himself a job. He'd made sure his life was organised before doing anything.  
So now, at the age of twenty-five, Yamato Ishida was chasing after his teenage crush.   
* * * *  
Tai Yagami was absently trying to sort out the new computer when Nathan hurtled in. He was wearing a long stripy apron which he kept tripping over and was covered in flour from head to toe.  
"Daddy!" he said "I think I've done something wrong!"  
Tai snickered. He followed his son into the kitchen and surveyed the mess. It appeared that Nathan had dropped a bag of flour which had exploded all over the place. Nathan had attempted to clean it up. Unfortunately, he'd tried to use water. It looked like the floor was covered in cement.  
"Nice one Nath," he said dryly "A small tip, never clean flour up with water."  
"Sorry Daddy," Nathan said, grinning his father's own grin. His blue eyes shone mischievously and Tai felt a sharp pang as they reminded him of someone else's eyes. Then he grinned back at his son, pushing the pain away.  
"Let's get cleaning," he said.  
Tai watched as his son started carefully cleaning up the flour-paste. For a six year old, his son was remarkably capable. He'd handled his mother and father splitting up when he was three and he'd handled his mother running off with some guy and leaving him on his father's doorstep even better. Tai worried about the effects all this abandonment might have on him in later life and was trying to lavish attention and affection on the boy. Nathan seemed happy enough.  
Of course Tai reflected, Nathan knew that he, Tai, wasn't happy. Which probably wasn't a good atmosphere for the kid.  
Tai wanted to be happy. He desperately wanted to be happy. It just wasn't working.  
He'd been sad ever since his one-time best friend and love, Yamato Ishida, had stopped writing to him, almost ten years ago.  
Tai had never understood why Matt had stopped writing. He'd written so many letters, desperate for any sort of response. But there'd been nothing.  
Then, his parents had started to question him. They'd accepted his announcement that he was gay when they'd been in Japan but now they seemed to be unsure. They asked him about if he was sure that he was 'like that' and mentioned 'outside influences' which Tai supposed meant Matt. He was so unhappy and confused, he began to wonder if they were right. Maybe he didn't love Matt, maybe he was confused. Maybe that was why Matt had stopped writing to him.  
So he'd stopped trying to write to Matt and had simply got on with his life, trying to meet a nice girl.  
Lorraine was not her. He'd liked her because she was interesting and she looked so much like Matt it was hard to believe she wasn't his sister. She had his golden blonde hair and blue eyes. They'd dated for a long while and on her eighteenth birthday, Tai had married her. Almost a year later they'd had their son, Nathan. His parents had been delighted, had given him the house as a reward Tai supposed.   
But Tai and Lorraine's marriage was already crumbling. Tai was beginning to realise that he hadn't been wrong. He kept getting crushes on guys. And Lorraine wasn't satisfying, wasn't what he wanted. He couldn't get Matt out of his head, remembered kissing and groping sessions in school closets and secluded places. Sure, Lorraine looked like Matt but she wasn't him. Her body was different and her personality was different. She couldn't understand things like Matt could. She wasn't what Tai wanted.   
And Lorraine knew that she wasn't making Tai happy (even if she didn't know why) and they'd began to have furious fights. Tai tried to keep them quiet, didn't want to upset Nathan. But Lorraine didn't care who knew when she was angry and would scream so loudly that Tai thought that Matt could probably hear her in Japan.  
Then Lorraine had discovered some of Matt's old letters to Tai, letters which were not in anyway censored. Tai remembered that day with absolute clarity. He'd walked in from work and found Lorraine standing in their bedroom, holding something in her hand.  
"Lor?" he'd said "What's going on?"  
She hadn't looked around but her back tensed.   
"Lor?" Tai repeated, walking up. He saw that she was holding a letter and recognised Matt's handwriting. Even as his brain had realised that, Lorraine had whirled round and slapped him in the face. As he'd stumbled backwards, shocked, she'd begun screaming at him, calling him a liar and a faggot and a freak. Tai had desperately tried to defend himself but she'd continued screaming at him, slapping at him, drowning him out. She'd only stopped when little Nathan had begged her to stop hurting Daddy. Then she'd swept him up, coldly announced that she would send for the rest of their stuff and marched out of the house, leaving Tai huddled, sobbing on the floor. Everything was ruined, everything was gone. He'd lost Matt and Lorraine and his son, his precious little Nathan. Lorraine sent for their stuff in a frosty letter, telling Tai that if he tried to come near their son, she'd personally have him arrested. Tai had sent begging letters to her but she hadn't replied.  
Then one morning a year later, he'd come down to bring in the milk and found Nathan sitting on the doorstep with his bags. Apparently, Lorraine had just dumped him there and gone to live with another man. She left Tai some divorce papers and a note saying that he could do what he liked with Nathan.  
Tai had been only to happy to sign.  
"Daddy, you're dreaming again," Nathan said reproachfully.  
Tai blinked.  
"Huh? Oh, sorry," he said blushing "I was just..."  
The doorbell rang, cutting though his words. Tai glanced down at himself and swore. He was covered from head to toe in floury paste which he'd been trying to clean up.  
"You shouldn't say those things," Nathan told him.  
"I know, I'm a very bad man," Tai said "Nath, can you go and answer to door? Tell them that unless it's EXTREMELY urgent, I can't talk to them. Tell them...tell them I'm dying on the kitchen floor of flour allergies or something."  
"You aren't," Nathan said.  
Tai collapsed dramatically to the floor and began writing, making pitiful groaning noises. This meant that he got even more floury paste on his clothes which made him use another violent exclamation, this time in Japanese. Nathan giggled and ran to the door. His Daddy was so silly sometimes.   
Opening the door, he found a blonde man staring down at him. The man blinked.  
"Hello," Nathan said cheerfully "Unless it's extremely urgent, Daddy's dying of flour allergies on the kitchen floor!"  
He heard a deep groan from the kitchen.  
"See?" he said, grinning at the man.  
The man looked a bit confused. He ran a hand though his hair which reminded Nathan of his mother's.  
"I was just wondering..." the man began, then broke off. He had a strange accent and he stumbled over his words a little, like he wasn't used to speaking English "I just...I was trying to trace somebody....are you....?"  
His voice trailed off and he stared at Nathan as though trying to work something out.  
"I'm Nathan Yagami," Nathan said brightly.  
"Yagami!"  
The man's eyes got huge. Nathan nodded, a bit puzzled.  
"Were you trying to find Daddy?" he asked.  
The man's shoulders slumped.  
"No," he said, sounding sad "I mean yes....It doesn't matter."  
He turned to go. Nathan blinked. Why was the man so sad?  
"If you want to talk to Daddy badly, I'm sure we can...." he search for the right word, he'd heard his Daddy say it once "Re-nan-imate him!" he said triumphantly.  
He heard a sigh and then his father walked out of the kitchen.  
"All right, all right," he said "What's the..."  
His voice died away as the man turned round. Glancing up, Nathan saw that his father's face was chalk white, as white as the flour on his clothes.  
"Ya-ma-to?"  
He stressed every syllable, sounding shocked.  
"It's me," the man said softly "Hello Taichi."  
There was a long silence. Tai suddenly swayed visibly. Nathan felt his father rock and clutched at him uncertainly. The man rushed in, grabbing his father before he could fall.  
"Where's somewhere we can get him sitting down?" he asked Nathan.  
Nathan took him to the living room. The man lowered his father into an armchair. He had flour paste on his clothes now as well but he didn't seem to care.  
"Go get some water," he ordered Nathan gently.  
Nathan ran to obey. When he came back, the man was speaking to his father quietly. He smiled when Nathan came in.  
"What's the matter with Daddy?" Nathan asked nervously. His father was less pale now but it was still scary.  
"Nothing," the man said "Your Daddy was just a little surprised to see me, that's all. It's been a long time."  
He looked very sad when he said that. Then he forced a grin.  
"Anyway young man, I know your name, but you don't know mine do you? I'm Yamato Ishida but everybody calls me Matt. And you're Nathan?"  
"Daddy calls me Nath," Nathan said "How do you know Daddy?"  
"Your Daddy and I were best friends when he lived in Japan," Matt explained "I've come to find out how he is. I certainly wasn't expecting to find you! How old are you?"  
"He's six and a half," Tai said hoarsely. He gulped back the water and managed a slightly quavering smile "I wasn't expecting to see you Matt."  
"No," Matt agreed.  
There was a slight pause.  
"How's Kari?" Matt asked.  
"She's great!" Tai said, feeling relived to have something to say "She's going to get married soon."  
"Really?" Matt said.  
Tai nodded.  
"Nath," he said "Why don't you run upstairs and get changed okay? Then you can go into my room and watch cartoons. I'd like to talk to Matt alone for a little while. Catch up on things."  
"Okay!" Nathan said. Being allowed to be in his father's room to watch telly was a special treat, something that he was very rarely granted. He turned and rushed upstairs, still shaking off bits of flour. Tai and Matt looked after him.  
"He's sweet," Matt said, breaking the silence "He looks like you."  
Tai nodded.  
"Yeah, I guess," he said "He's a good kid. Puts up with a lot."  
"Who's his mother?"  
Tai grimaced.  
"Her name's Lorraine. But she's not here anymore. We're divorced," he said.  
Matt nodded. There was a pause.  
Then Matt turned and punched Tai in the face.  
Tai went down like a ninepin, not expecting it at all. He blinked fuzzily up at Matt who was standing over him, tears gushing down his face in a violent torrent.  
"You....you bastard!" he choked out "You left me and you just stopped! You just stopped writing! I wrote you so many letters and you never replied! You didn't even have the nerve to tell me it was over you rotten gutless creep! You just dropped me!"  
Tai stared at Matt in shock. What was Matt talking about? Matt had been the one who'd stopped writing!  
"Matt..."  
"Why?" Matt sobbed out "Why? Why'd you do it? Couldn't you have told me? I thought you loved me!"  
"Matt..."  
But Matt couldn't stop. All the pain and misery he'd kept bottled up was pouring out.  
"I really did. I really thought that you loved me as much as I loved you. Proves what a prat I am huh? I guess you and the lovely Lorraine had a great laugh about it all. 'Oh Matt, isn't he the one you fooled around with in high school?' Yeah, great fun! I nearly gave up my life for you! I..."  
"Matt!"  
Matt finally broke off and looked at Tai who'd scrambled to his feet.  
"Matt, I didn't break off with you!" Tai said "I don't know what you're talking about! You were the one who stopped writing to me!"  
Matt stared at him.  
"No," he said "You were...were the one who stopped. About ten years ago. You just....stopped. You never wrote back."  
"But I wrote you hundreds of letters," Tai said "You were the one who never wrote back!"  
The two men stared at each other silently, realisation slowly dawning on them both.  
"My parents," Tai said slowly "They were against me being....being gay. They must have stolen your letters and told me...."  
"What about the ones you sent to me?" Matt said.  
"Maybe they threw them away without even posting them," Tai said "Or maybe your father was in on it too...."  
Matt stared at him. Then he began to cry again.  
"I'm so sorry!" he sobbed "I'm so, so sorry....."  
Tai put his arms round Matt and held him tightly as he cried. He could feel tears of his own beginning.  
"Shhhhh Matt," he whispered, pressing his face tightly against Matt's "Shhhhh my Matt, my Yama, my Yamato, my beautiful butterfly. It's all right now. It's all right."  
* * * *  
Nathan sighed. There was only so long you could watch cartoons before getting bored. Carefully he scrambled to his feet and walked down the stairs. He could hear his father and Matt talking together. They were in the living room. Peering in, Nathan blinked. His father and his friend were lying on the couch together. His father had an arm draped over Matt, holding him protectively to his chest.  
"I only married her because I wanted to make my parents happy," his father was saying "I suppose I never really loved her. She made me think of you with her hair and eyes. I guess that's no basis for a happy relationship."  
"I guess not," Matt agreed thoughtfully.  
"The only good thing that came out of it was Nathan," his father continued "If it wasn't for him, I'd have gone crazy so many times. He's been a life-saver."  
"Nathan," Matt said "Did she pick that?"  
"Yes," Daddy said "Lorraine choose Nathan, I chose his second name."  
"Which is?"  
"You'll laugh."  
"I won't."  
"Agumon."  
Matt laughed.  
"You promised!"  
"No I didn't, I just said that I wouldn't. That's not a promise."  
"Creep."  
"Thank you. So he's Nathan Agumon Yagami? That's just cruel Tai! Though I guess it's better than some of the things you could have saddled him with! What did Lorraine say about that?"  
"She never knew. She thinks he's just Nathan Yagami. She never asked to see his birth certificate. I added it on sneakily."  
"Tell me Nathan knows!"  
"Well, yeah! It's just she doesn't!"  
"What language does he speak?"  
"Both fluently. We speak a mixture of Japanese and English at home but he speaks English at school."  
"What are you going to tell Nathan?"  
"Tell Nathan?"  
"About us."  
Nathan swallowed, listening to all this. He didn't really understand and couldn't help wondering what was going on. Why was his father holding Matt like that? And why were they talking about him?  
"I guess I'll tell him that sometimes when you form a very close relationship with somebody, sometimes that relationship can go further and turn into love," his father said thoughtfully "Even if it's between two guys."  
There was a pause.  
"I could kill my parents!" Tai snapped suddenly "I think that they asked your Dad to bin all my letters because they were against our relationship. I think Kari knew as well. She always looked so upset whenever I got upset about you. And she wouldn't come to Lorraine and mine's wedding. I bet Mum and Dad made her promise not to say anything to me."  
"You can't kill them," Matt said gently "They did what they thought was best. Okay, they were wrong. But what's done is done. Let's look at the future now."  
Tai nodded slowly. He began playing with Matt's hair absently. Nathan kept watching and listening curiously.  
"Tai?"  
"Yes?"  
"What are we going to do?" Matt asked in a small voice "I can't stay here forever. My job, my little brother..."  
"I bet TK hates me huh?"  
"With a fiery passion. It's going to take some explaining."  
"Parents!"  
"You said it. But I can't leave TK, you know I can't."  
"Nathan's life is here," Tai said sounding troubled "I can't just uproot the little guy, he's been though so much!" There was a pause.  
"We'll just have to see what happens," Matt said softly.  
Tai nodded. Then he leaned down and kissed Matt fiercely. From behind the door, Nathan blinked in shock. He'd seen his mother kissing her boyfriends plenty of times but he'd never seen two men kiss like that before. Uncertainly he kept watching, not sure whether to go away or say something. He vaguely remembered his mother telling him that they'd left his father because he preferred men to women and that was a bad thing. Eventually his father broke the kiss off panting slightly.  
"We'd better not," he said, sounding slightly disappointed "Nathan's just upstairs..."  
Nathan gulped.  
"Daddy?" he said timidly.  
His father jumped. He untangled himself from Matt and grinned slightly sheepishly at his son.  
"Nath!" he said "Hiya kid!"  
"I got tired of cartoons," Nathan explained, his eyes flickering from his father to Matt and back again.  
"Why were you kissing Matt?" he blurted "He's a man, I thought it was wrong for men to kiss other men."  
His father turned red.  
"Did your mother tell you that?" he asked.  
Nathan nodded. His father sighed.  
"Surprise, surprise," he said "It's not wrong Nath. Some people don't like it but really it's not a bad thing. I was kissing Matt because I love him. I want to be with him. Does that upset you?"  
Nathan looked thoughtfully at Matt. Matt gave him a small, nervous smile.  
"Is he going to stay here?" he asked.  
"We don't know yet," his father said "I'd like him to. I'd like him to very much." He smiled at Matt when he said that, then continued "But that's up to you. If you don't want him to, then I won't see him anymore."  
Nathan considered. Matt looked okay. He seemed quite nice really. And his father obviously really liked him.  
"He looks okay," Nathan said "I don't really mind."  
His father's face lit up. Grinning, he scooped Nathan up and gave him a hug. Nathan hugged him back, slightly surprised, but quite pleased. He noticed Matt watching with a slightly wistful expression on his face.  
"Do you want a hug too?" Nathan asked him.  
Tai began laughing as he saw Matt blush.  
"Um, no thanks!" he squeaked.  
"Why not?" Nathan asked directly "You were happy enough to hug Daddy before."  
Matt gave an embarrassed yelp and turned crimson.   
"Your son has inherited your lack of tact!" he said.  
Tai had to put Nathan down, he was laughing too hard to hold him up. Nathan looked at his father.  
"What's tact?" he asked.  
"Not saying true stuff," Tai explained though his giggles "I'll pass."  
"So what's Matt like?" Nathan asked curiously "What does he like doing?"  
His father looked at Matt thoughtfully. Tai was pretty sure he heard Matt mumble "Kissing your father." but decided to ignore him.  
"He used to be able to sing and write songs," he said "He was one of the Digidestined. You remember my stories about the Digidestined?"  
Nathan nodded.  
"He can sing?"  
Nathan had always been fairly musical.  
"Well, he probably can't now," Tai said "But..."  
"You great baka!" Matt squawked "I can still sing!"  
"Sing something then!" Nathan said instantly.  
"He's worse than you are," Matt told Tai grumpily "I'm sure you aren't bringing him up right."  
Tai just grinned.  
"Come on Ishida," he said "You have to sing now. We won't let you out of it."  
Matt paused. He wanted to sing something good but what...?  
Then he knew.  
He gave Tai a smile and then quietly began to sing.  
  
"I'll become a happy butterfly and ride on the glittering wind,  
I'll come and see you soon,  
It's best to forget the unnecessary things,  
There's no more time for fooling around."  
  
Matt saw that Tai was watching him wide-eyed. He recognised the song all right. Matt continued to sing it, not worried at all. As soon as he'd started, he remembered all the words and the tune in his mind.  
  
"After an endless dream in this world of nothingness,  
It seems as if our beloved dreams will lose,  
Even with these unreliable wings, covered in images that tend to stay,  
I'm sure we can fly on my love."   
  
"Hey, he is good!" Nathan said cheerfully as Matt finished.   
"I know," Tai said, quietly staring at Matt. Matt bowed modestly.  
"Glad you liked it," he said "So have I passed all tests now?"  
Tai shook off his morose mood.  
"Can you still cook?" he asked "I was never good in a kitchen and I don't think Nathan likes takeouts...."  
Matt began to laugh.  
"Tai, you need to learn how to look after yourself," he said firmly "Come on. I'll teach you how to make chicken stir-fry."  
Tai gave him a salute.  
"Nathan, you can be the chef's helper," Matt said "Do you have any aprons?"  
"You mean you didn't bring your pink one?" Tai teased him.  
Matt swatted him and they went into the kitchen to get started together.  
  
The End.  
  



End file.
